The Spectator’s temperament type is melancholic.
It is the desire of the Spectator’s heart that good always conquer evil, and that the participants of the play that is life be fulfilled and happy.
Note that the Spectator wishes not only main characters of life receive their due, but that all of the actors, including secondary ones, get what they desire. As for negative characters, the Spectator does not feel hatred for them. He is eager to consider the motives of their actions, to feel sorry for them and forgive them, because they are not to blame for being mistaken.
To the Spectator, to “conquer evil” does not mean to “destroy,” but to “re-educate”. He is against violence in principle!
However, re-educating the Spectator himself (as well as any other adults) is not so simple. He has his own unshakable principles. The main one can be formulated as follows: “All people are good.” Therefore, according to his beliefs, help should be given to everyone that is in a difficult situation. It can be a close or distant relative, a friend, a random passerby, and even an enemy.
If the Spectator cannot help someone, for lack of power, resources or understanding of the situation, he feels the need to at least to show compassion, to cheer up, to comfort the poor person – essentially, to express his unconditional support.
The Spectator wants people’s faces to radiate joy and kindness. Therefore, he evaluates the success or failure of any business not so much by the final result as by the psychological state of its participants. Are they satisfied with what and how they did? Did they manage to get along with each other? Has their mood improved or worsened?
If someone was offended by the interaction, the Spectator considers his mission a failure.
For the Spectator, as well as for the Actor, emotions are more important than the matter. But, unlike the Actor, the Spectator does not seek to flaunt his personality and receive praise. He watches others and does everything in his power to make them happy. Achieving this goal, he feels fulfilled. That is all he needs!
The role played by the Spectator in life and the role of a spectator in a real theater are very similar. A good theater visitor is not only an observer, but also an active participant of the action. He or she supports actors with applause, laughs in response to jokes and cries during the most dramatic portions of the play. Sometimes (if asked), they may go on stage themselves and say a few words, or even define the plot development in a modern interactive performance!
The same applies to the Spectator’s role type, and his main objective is always the same: universal happiness.
How does the Spectator behave in real life? First of all, he tries not to cause inconvenience to anyone.
He drives a car carefully, following road signs and the speed limit. In public transport, he gives way to elders and children. In stores, he never goes to the cashier’s desk out of turn. He is used to saying “please” and “thank you,” and smiling at everyone.
The Spectator is a vulnerable person. If insulted (at a store, for example), he suffers deeply, although outwardly remains calm. The rude person is unlikely to even notice his suffering.
The Spectator never interrupts a person with whom he is having a conversation. If you tell him about your difficulties, he nods, asks relevant questions, expresses interest and sympathy. Going deeper into other people’s problems is his favorite pastime.
Have you been deceived, humiliated, robbed, or beaten? The Spectator will empathize with you! He will try to appease or calm you down – most likely, unsuccessfully, because he himself is upset no less than you (and sometimes even more).
The Spectator admits that good people can make mistakes, be subject to temptations, and lose self-control. That is, they become “evil” for a few minutes, days or even years. In this case, they should only be pitied as they will suffer themselves from remorse when they come to their “normal” state of being good. The Spectator believes in this concept with all his heart, and it is impossible to make him change his mind. In his opinion, while people are “evil,” one should stay away from them. He does not want to fight with them as it is too hard for him psychologically.
According to the Spectator, a person should strive to be better a “good” soul.
He wants to achieve peace without war.
Such an attitude is very useful for building relationships between a man and a woman.
The Spectator does not seek to subordinate you to his needs or to use brute force for any reasons. On the contrary, he tries to understand how you feel and what he should do to please you.
He is not good at analytics and lacks firmness. But do not call him a fool or a wimp. Insulting him will not make him more quick-witted or tougher, but will poison your relationship.
The Spectator is a pessimist by nature. Any obstacle may seem unconquerable to him. This also applies to love relationships. He can interpret your refusal to see him in the evening due to being busy as reluctance to see him at all. He won’t sleep all night thinking what is better – to offer a rendezvous again or shoot himself.
Facing unexpected harshness or rudeness, he is lost and upset, and cannot come to his senses for a long time after that. He may refuse further meetings at all without trying to sort out the relationship.
Don’t push him too hard! Even if he is of a gigantic height and has a low hoarse voice, remember: his soul is vulnerable. He can easily lift a heavy barbell above his head, but a mild rebuke can crush him morally.
The Spectator is a perfect family man. His wife and children are the most important people to him along with his parents, and caring for them is the meaning of his existence. He can spend most of his income on his family, leaving the bare minimum to himself.
He does not like to accept gifts, but loves to make them. If you like his gift, he is happy; if not, he feels guilty: “I should have selected something better.”
In which areas of activity can the Spectator succeed, and in which can he not?
He should not be a hotel receptionist, a sales or personnel manager, an interpreter, a journalist, or an event manager. Professions where one needs to communicate with a lot of strangers are definitely not right for him.
His advantages are sensitivity, power of observation, and attention to detail.
If the Spectator realizes this, he is able to achieve a lot – for example, to become famous as a writer, artist or designer, because he deeply feels the world’s beauty and the importance of personal relationships. He can also make an excellent programmer, accountant, architect, translator, mechanic, geologist. That is, a specialist whose work is associated with processing of materials, texts or virtual data.
In his free time, he walks with his children, cooks, cleans the house, and travels with his family to the countryside. He does everything possible to please his loved ones, and is deeply worried if his wife or child is unhappy about something.
If his spouse earns quite a lot or there are sources of passive income (leased real estate, stock dividends), the Spectator can fully devote himself to the family. There are more important things to him than a career. He could even leave a high position without regret in order to communicate more with his children! He will help them with history, mathematics, foreign languages, sports, and eventually prepare them for university exams.
But if there is no one in the family to take care of (the children have grown up, his wife is immersed in work), he can find something to do elsewhere. For example, he can help a divorced female neighbor with apartment renovation, a colleague with writing a master’s thesis, or a former classmate in her fight against depression. He might also be asked for “help” in the sexual sphere, and it’s hard to say if he will be able to say no. He needs smiles and thanks, not tears and curses! So he might “give help” to everyone around until he runs into problems, and one day ask himself with sincere surprise, “Why do both my wife and lover hate me”?
But this is an extreme case.
Most often, the Spectator remains faithful and values his marriage.
It is difficult for him to meet and become intimate with a woman and even more difficult to leave her.
He is shy, vulnerable, and subject to stress. He constantly needs your support and praise!
If he is confident that you love him, the return can be amazing. He will do anything for you – work tirelessly, patiently listen to your complaints and fulfill your desires. The main thing that he needs for success is a reliable partner, as he is afraid of failure.
Demonstrate that you believe in him. But first, believe in him.
Let us get back to the question posed at the end of the first chapter: how to understand what role type your man is.
To find the answer, the first thing you need to do is to observe and analyze.
How does your man behave on the street, in public transport, at a restaurant, with his friends, with strangers, and with your parents?
Does he talk much or prefer to listen to others?
Does he laugh loudly and openly, or smile slightly?
Is he an active or a passive person?
Does he prefer mental or physical work?
What does he do more often, execute commands or give commands?
Is he accurate, punctual, reliable, serious, witty, polite, and tidy – or is it the other way around?
A portrait is composed of many pieces. It will likely take a long time to collect them all. One evening is not enough to understand what kind of a person your man is.
Today, the man can talk endlessly, but tomorrow will stay silent all day long. Or, he may behave calmly for a week, and then suddenly become enraged for no good reason. Or, he will work tirelessly, then slouch about with his hands in his pockets. One date he may shower you with compliments, then the next day be childish and rude like a teenager.
Do you understand what drives him? Can you guess what he feels? Are you able to predict his behavior at least remotely?
Watch him for as long as possible before trying to answer the question as to what role type he is. The more accurate the answer, the easier it is to build the relationship!
Let us recall who is who:
– the Scriptwriter ponders everything in the world and creates something useful;
– the Director controls people and manages various processes;
– the Actor shows himself off and longs for recognition;
– the Spectator feels for and helps others, not demanding anything in return.
However, not everyone fits perfectly into one role type. It happens sometimes that one personality may seem to be a combination of two.
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