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August 1999: The Earth Men

Whoever was knocking at the door didn't want to stop. Mrs. Ttt threw the door open. “Well?”

“You speak English!” The man standing there was astounded.

“I speak what I speak,” she said.

“It's wonderful English!” The man was in uniform. There were three men with him, in a great hurry, all smiling, all dirty.

“What do you want?” demanded Mrs. Ttt.

“You are a Martian! ” The man smiled. “The word is not familiar to you, certainly. It's an Earth expression.” He nodded at his men then. “We are from Earth. I'm Captain Williams. We've landed on Mars within the hour. Here we are, the Second Expedition! There was a First Expedition, but we don't know what happened to it. But here we are, anyway. And you are the first Martian we've met!”

“Martian?” Her eyebrows went up.

“What I mean to say is, you live on the fourth planet from the sun. Correct?”

“Elementary,” she snapped, eyeing them.

“And we” – he pressed his hand to his chest – “we are from Earth. Right, men?”

“Right, sir!”

“This is the planet Tyrr,” she said, “if you want to use the proper name.”

“ Tyrr, Tyrr.” The captain laughed. “What a fine name! But, my good woman, how is it you speak such perfect English?”

“I'm not speaking, I'm thinking,” she said. “Telepathy! Good day!” And she slammed the door.

A moment later there was that dreadful man knocking again.

She opened the door. “What now?” she wondered.

The man was still there, trying to smile, looking bewildered. He put out his hands. “I don't think you understand – ”

“What?” she snapped.

The man gazed at her in surprise. “We're from Earth!

“I haven't time,” she said. “I've a lot of cooking today and there's cleaning and sewing and all. You evidently wish to see Mr. Ttt; he's upstairs in his study.”

“Yes,” said the Earth Man confusedly, blinking. “By all means, let us see Mr. Ttt.”

“He's busy.” She slammed the door again.

This time the knock on the door was most impertinently loud.

“See here!” cried the man when the door was thrust open again. He jumped in as if to surprise her. “This is no way to treat visitors[6]!”

“All over my clean floor!” she cried. “Mud! Get out! If you come in my house, wash your boots first.”

The man looked at his muddy boots, “This,” he said, “is no time for trivialities. I think,” he said, “we should be celebrating.” He looked at her for a long time, as if looking might make her understand.

“If you've made my crystal buns fall in the oven,” she exclaimed, “I'll hit you with a piece of wood!” She peered into a little hot oven. She came back, red, steamy-faced. Her eyes were yellow, her skin was soft brown, she was thin and quick as an insect. Her voice was metallic and sharp. “Wait here. I'll see if I can let you have a moment with Mr. Ttt. What was your business?”

The man swore, as if she'd hit his hand with a hammer. “Tell him we're from Earth and it's never been done before!”

“What hasn't?” She put her brown hand up. “Never mind. I'll be back.”

The sound of her feet sounded through the stone house.

Outside, the immense blue Martian sky was hot and still as a warm deep sea water. In the Martian desert there was a small rocket ship upon a hilltop nearby. Large footprints came from the rocket to the door of this stone house.

Now there was a sound of quarreling voices upstairs. The men within the door stared at one another, shifting on their boots and holding onto their hip belts. A man's voice shouted upstairs. The woman's voice replied. After fifteen minutes the Earth men began walking in and out the kitchen door, with nothing to do.

“Cigarette?” said one of the men.

Somebody got out a pack and they lit up. They puffed slow streams of pale white smoke. They adjusted their uniforms, fixed their collars. The voices upstairs continued to mutter. The leader of the men looked at his watch.

“Twenty-five minutes,” he said. “I wonder what they're up to up there[7].” He went to a window and looked out.

“Hot day,” said one of the men.

An hour of silence passed. “I hope we didn't cause any trouble,” said the captain. He went and peered into the living room.

Mrs. Ttt was there, watering some flowers that grew in the center of the room.

“I knew I had forgotten something,” she said when she saw the captain. She walked out to the kitchen. “I'm sorry.” She handed him a slip of paper. “Mr. Ttt is much too busy.” She turned to her cooking. “Anyway, it's not Mr. Ttt you want to see; it's Mr. Aaa. Take that paper over to the next farm, by the blue canal, and Mr. Aaa'll advise you about whatever it is you want to know.”

“We don't want to know anything,” objected the captain. “We already know it.”

“You have the paper, what more do you want?” she asked him straight off. And she would say no more.

“Well,” said the captain, reluctant to go. He stood as if waiting for something. He looked like a child staring at an empty Christmas tree. “Well,” he said again. “Come on, men.”

The four men stepped out into the hot silent day.

Half an hour later, Mr. Aaa, seated in his library sipping a bit of electric fire from a metal cup, heard the voices outside in the stone causeway. He leaned over the window sill and gazed at the four uniformed men who looked up at him.

“Are you Mr. Aaa?” they called.

“I am.”

“Mr. Ttt sent us to see you!” shouted the captain.

“Why did he do that?” asked Mr. Aaa.

“He was busy!”

“Well, that's a shame,” said Mr. Ass sarcastically. “Does he think I have nothing else to do but entertain people he's too busy to bother with?”

“That's not the important thing, sir,” shouted the captain.

“Well, it is to me. I have much reading to do. Mr. Ttt is inconsiderate. This is not the first time he has been this thoughtless of me. Stop waving your hands, sir, until I finish. And pay attention. People usually listen to me when I talk. And you'll listen courteously or I won't talk at all.”

Uneasily the four men in the court shifted and opened their mouths. “Now,” lectured Mr. Aaa, “do you think it fair of Mr. Ttt to be so ill-mannered?”

The four men gazed up through the heat. The captain said, “We're from Earth!”

“I think it very ungentlemanly of him,” brooded Mr. Aaa.

“A rocket ship. We came in it. Over there!”

“Not the first time Ttt's been unreasonable, you know.”

“All the way from Earth.”

“Why, I'd call him up and tell him off.”

“Just the four of us; myself and these three men, my crew.”

“I'll call him up, yes, that's what I'll do!”

“Earth. Rocket. Men. Trip. Space.”

“Call him and give him a good lashing[8]!” cried Mr. Aaa. He vanished like a puppet from a stage. Below, the captain and his crew glanced back at their pretty rocket ship lying on the hillside, so sweet and lovely and fine.

Mr. Aaa jerked up in the window, wildly triumphant. “Challenged him to a duel[9], by the gods! A duel!”

“Mr. Aaa – ” the captain started all over again, quietly.

“I'll shoot him dead, do you hear!”

“Mr. Aaa, I'd like to tell you. We came sixty million miles.”

Mr. Aaa regarded the captain for the first time. “ Where'd you say you were from?”

The captain flashed a white smile[10]. Aside to his men he whispered, “Now we're getting someplace!” To Mr. Aaa he called, “We traveled sixty million miles. From Earth!”

Mr. Aaa yawned. “That's only fifty million miles this time of year.” He picked up a frightful-looking weapon. “Well, I have to go now. Just take that silly note, though I don't know what good it'll do you, and go over that hill into the little town of Iopr and tell Mr. Iii all about it. He's the man you want to see. Not Mr. Ttt, he's an idiot; I'm going to kill him. Not me, because it's not in my line of work.”

“Line of work, line of work!” repeated the captain. “Do you have to be in a certain line of work to welcome Earth men!”

“Don't be silly, everyone knows that! ” Mr. Aaa rushed downstairs. “Good-by!” And down the causeway he raced, like a pair of wild calipers.

The four travelers stood shocked. Finally the captain said, “We'll find someone yet who'll listen to us.”

“Maybe we could go out and come in again,” said one of the men. “Maybe we should take off and land again. Give them time to organize a party.”

“That might be a good idea,” murmured the tired captain.

The little town was full of people drifting in and out of doors, saying hello to one another, wearing golden masks and blue masks and crimson masks for pleasant variety, masks with silver lips and bronze eyebrows, masks that smiled or masks that frowned, according to the owners' mood.

The four men, wet from their long walk, paused and asked a little girl where Mr. Iii's house was.

“There.” The child nodded her head.

The captain got carefully down on one knee, looking into her sweet young face. “Little girl, I want to talk to you.”

He seated her on his knee and folded her small brown hands neatly in his own big ones, as if ready for a bed-time story which he was shaping in his mind slowly.

“Well, here's how it is, little girl. Six months ago another rocket came to Mars. There was a man named York in it, and his assistant. Whatever happened to them, we don't know. Maybe they crashed. They came in a rocket. So did we. You should see it! A big rocket! So we're the Second Expedition, following up the First! And we came all the way from Earth…”

The little girl took away her hand and put a golden mask over her face. She pulled forth a golden spider toy and then dropped it to the ground watching it through the slits of her emotionless mask and the captain shook her gently.

“We're Earth Men,” he said. “Do you believe me?”

“Yes.” The little girl was looking at her toes in the dust.

“Fine.” The captain pinched her arm slightly, to get her to look at him. “We built our own rocket ship. Do you believe that?

The little girl dug in her nose with a finger. “Yes.”

“And – take your finger out of your nose, little girl – I am the captain, and – ”

“Never before in history has anybody come across space in a big rocket ship,” recited the little creature, eyes shut.

“Wonderful! How did you know?”

“Oh, telepathy.” She wiped the finger on her knee.

“Well, aren't you just ever so excited?” cried the captain. “Aren't you glad?”

“You just better go see Mr. Iii right away. Mr. Iii will like talking to you.” She ran off, with the toy spider following her.

The captain squatted there looking after her with his hand out. His eyes were watery[11]. He looked at his empty hands. The other three men stood looking at their shadows. They spat on the stone street.

Mr. Iii answered his door. He was on his way to a lecture, but he had a minute, if they would hurry inside and tell him what they desired.

“A little attention,” said the captain, red-eyed and tired. “We're from Earth, we have a rocket, there are four of us, crew and captain, we're exhausted, we're hungry, we'd like a place to sleep. We'd like someone to give us the key to the city or something like that, and we'd like somebody to shake our hands and say 'Hooray' and say 'Congratulations, old man!' That about sums it up[12].”

Mr. Iii was a tall, thin man with thick blue crystals over his yellowish eyes. He bent over his desk looking at some papers, glancing now and again with extreme attention at his guests.

“Well, I haven't the forms with me here, I don't think.” He rummaged through the desk drawers. “Now, where did I put the forms?” He mused. “Somewhere. Somewhere. Oh, here we are! Now!” He handed the papers over. “You'll have to sign these papers, of course.”

“Do we have to go through all this rigmarole?”

Mr. Iii gave him a thick glassy look. “You say you're from Earth, don't you? Well, then there's nothing for it but you sign.”

The captain wrote his name. “Do you want my crew to sign also?”

Mr. Iii looked at the captain, looked at the three others, and burst into laughter. “Them sign! How marvelous! Them, oh, them sign!” Tears sprang from his eyes. He slapped his knee and bent to let his laughter jump out of his mouth. He held himself up with the desk. “ Them sign!”

The four men scowled. “What's funny?”

“Them sign!” sighed Mr. Iii, weak with hilarity. “So very funny. I'll have to tell Mr. Xxx about this!” He examined the filled-out form, still laughing. “Everything seems to be in order.” He nodded. “Even the agreement for euthanasia if final decision on such a step is necessary.” He chuckled.

“Agreement for what?”

“Don't talk. I have something for you. Here. Take this key.”

The captain flushed. “It's a great honor.”

“Not the key to the city, you fool!” snapped Mr. Iii. “Just a key to the House. Go down that corridor, unlock the big door, and go inside and shut the door tight. You can spend the night there. In the morning I'll send Mr. Xxx to see you.”

Dubiously the captain took the key in hand. He stood looking at the floor. His men did not move. They seemed to be emptied of all their blood and their rocket fever. They were drained dry[13].

“What is it? What's wrong?” inquired Mr. Iii. “What are you waiting for? What do you want?” He came and peered up into the captain's face, stooping. “Out with it, you![14]