CHAPTER III – THE TOUR IS PLANNED

“Ma, why did you speak of your car bein’ in London? You know durn well it ain’t!” exclaimed Mr. Alexander, as he soaped his head and gurgled in the water, then he ducked it up and down in the basin.

“That’s my business! If I plan it that way to get acquainted with a lot of fine folks, why should you care?”

“I don’t care, but I diden’ know you thought these folks so fine. I heard you say they was only decorators,” argued her spouse.

“Ebeneezer, there are times when I could just choke you – you are so thick!” exclaimed Mrs. Alexander, impatiently.

“Mebbe I’m thick, Ma, but I can’t see how you can drive a party across England when your old car is on second-hand sale out in Denver!”

“That proves you’re thick – if you can’t see how! I am going straight to a shop, in London, tomorrow, where I can buy a car exactly the same as mine – only it will be up-to-date with self-starter and all. Then you can drive it back here and we will show the folks a seven-passenger car that we owned long ago.”

As Mr. Alexander swabbed his dripping face and hair on a damask towel, he shook his head dubiously. “Well, these days, a hull lot of stuff goes, but I always said such a game as you’re playin’ was fibbin’ and that’s callin’ it by a polite name, too.”

Mrs. Alexander humped her shoulders angrily and said: “You are the most aggravating man! I s’pose you’ll tell everyone we know, all about my plan to get a car in a hurry.”

“Oh no, I won’t tell no one, ’cause I don’t want folks to believe you ain’t as honest as you pretend to be,” said he meekly.

After that he wondered what he had said to anger his wife so that she would not speak to him; and when he asked her to help him with his collar-button, she ignored him entirely. Later, when he had trouble with his neck-tie and dared not ask assistance of his mate, he was amazed that she caught hold of the two ends and began to tie it.

But she had a subtle reason for helping him. As she tied and untied it, she dinned into his ears all the rules and reminders he had heard often before – about his behavior at the table. At last, desperate with the nagging, he snatched the tie-ends from her hand and rushed from the room.

“Ebeneezer! Ebeneezer – I say! come back here!” called she.

But the little man fled down the stairs and dodged into the first room he found. It happened to be the library where Mr. Fabian was conversing with Sir James. Both men arose at the perturbed appearance of Mr. Alexander, as he ran breathlessly into the room.

“Why – what has happened?” asked Sir James, fearfully.

“Nothin’ much. My wife made me so nervous a-fussin’ over my manners and this tie, that I just had to run!” explained he.

“Allow me to help you, Mr. Alexander,” said Sir James, and his voice was so kindly and gentle, that Mr. Alexander decided that for true democracy you had to meet an English baronet.

As Sir James was adding the last touch to the tie, Mrs. Alexander swept into the room in search of her escaped husband. When she beheld him facing the host, who was adjusting the tie, she was speechless.

Mrs. Alexander caught the reflection of herself in a long mirror opposite where she stood, and immediately forgot, in admiring herself, her concern over her husband’s shortcomings. She waved her feather fan to and fro slowly and seemed absorbed in the vision seen in the glass.

Mr. Fabian smiled to himself, and Sir James engaged Mr. Alexander in conversation to make him feel more at ease. Then Dodo peeped around the corner of the portière, and saw her mother very much preoccupied, so she beckoned to Mr. Fabian without being seen by the others. He quietly moved over to the doorway.

“Just look at me, Mr. Fabian! Ma made me dress up like a monkey, just to show folks that she knew what’s what!”

Mr. Fabian felt sorry for Dodo, for he knew she wished to appear rational to the others at the dinner-party. So he hinted: “It is still very early for the others to appear. You’d have time to change your mind, Dodo.”

They both laughed at that, and the girl replied: “I will! I’ll run up and change my dress, at the same time.”

“Perhaps you’ll feel better in a simple little silk,” suggested he.

Dodo nodded understandingly and disappeared. Just as Mr. Fabian turned to walk back to the fireplace, Mrs. Alexander finished the contemplation of her satisfying appearance – satisfying to herself.

Sir James immediately came over and took such a deep interest in his guest that she had no opportunity, thereafter, to harass her poor little husband. The others came in, one by one, and finally, Dodo reappeared in a modest pale-blue taffeta silk.

Mrs. Alexander gasped at what she considered rank insubordination, but Lady Osgood managed to engage so much of her attention that Dodo escaped further persecution that night.

Just as the butler threw open the doors of the dining-room to announce dinner, Mrs. Alexander noticed her husband’s lack of gems which she had insisted upon his wearing that night.

“Ebeneezer! What did you do with those shirt-studs and the scarf-pin you were told to wear tonight? They are diamonds of the purest quality, and that stud weighs, at least, four carats!”

Even the butler looked shocked at the guest’s lack of tact, and everyone wondered what little Mr. Alexander would say. It was a tense moment for all.

“Well, this time I speak out even if I lose my head for it!” retorted the badgered man, in a voice that plainly signified he expected to be tortured forever afterwards. “I saw that Mr. Fabian and Sir James diden’ have no jooels of any kind shinin’ around ’em, and I am as good as them, any day. Why should I look like pawn-shop, when I don’t feel that way!”

It was hard work for the grown-ups to keep a straight face, but Dodo set the younger members the example of laughing outright. In a moment, the young folks were all enjoying the blunt repartee.

“Oh, Pa!” sighed Dodo, finally. “What would our life be without you to entertain us!”

“Miss Dodo is right, there, Mr. Alexander. You certainly are a valuable member to any party on a pleasure trip,” added Mr. Ashby. And Mrs. Alexander smirked and nodded her head approvingly, so that everyone breathed easier, knowing a catastrophe had been averted for the little man.

Sir James now turned the conversation into a different channel. As they enjoyed the excellent dinner, he told about the new car he had presented to his son Jimmy, on his twenty-first birthday, two weeks previous.

“Oh, have you a grown-up son?” asked Mrs. Alexander, eagerly.

“Yes indeed! And a very fine young man we think him, too,” returned Lady Osgood.

“He is not at home, is he?” asked Mrs. Alexander.

“He is dining with his latest love, this evening,” laughed Angela. “He has a new one every other week, but this one has lasted since Nancy refused him some time ago.”

“Refused him! Nancy Fabian refused Sir James’s son,” gasped the unbelieving hunter for a title.

The girls laughed, and Nancy shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. Mrs. Alexander stared from her to each one about the table, as if the truth of the statement would not sink into her mind.

Again Sir James entered the breach and bridged over the yawning chasm in the conversation. “I gave Jimmy the car – which is a fine seven-passenger affair – with the understanding that he was to take Angela and the Fabians on a summer tour through England, but he spoiled all that by falling madly in love with Nancy and then being refused. Of course, he had no desire after that, to join any party. We are giving him ample opportunity, now, to recover from his broken heart. Then he and his car will be ours, again.”

Jimmy’s family did not express much concern over his damaged heart, and the guests considered that pity or sympathy for him would be useless. However, Mrs. Alexander began to feel an intense interest in the absent heir and, as usual, she suggested a plan which others would have weighed carefully before mentioning.

“If your son has a seven-passenger car and I have mine, wouldn’t it be just too lovely for anything, if we took all this party on the tour of England. He can drive his motor, and Pa can drive mine.”

Her very audacity caused sudden silence with everyone, although the younger members of the party felt that the plan would be perfectly wonderful if it could be carried out. Sir James finally answered.

“If Jimmy could be induced to join such a party, it certainly would be fine for all. But Lady Osgood and myself have to go down to our country house, in a few days, as there are so many things an owner of a large estate has to take charge of, in summer.”

“Perhaps Miss Angela will join us, and we can divide the party accordingly,” persisted Mrs. Alexander, eagerly.

“Oh yes, I’d love to be one of the touring party,” said Angela. “But what do the others say about this idea?”

“If we could make the trip and get me back to London in two weeks’ time, so I can keep the appointments with several men I agreed to see, I’d like it immensely,” said Mr. Ashby.

“As for us – we planned to tour England, anyway, and traveling with a party of friends will make it all the pleasanter,” added Mr. Fabian.

“Oh, how grand! Then it is all settled, isn’t it?” cried Mrs. Alexander, clasping her be-ringed hands estatically.

“That depends on Jimmy,” remarked Angela.

“Jimmy will agree to do anything, the moment he meets this new bevy of pretty girls,” laughed Sir James.

“You don’t seem to worry much over his susceptible heart,” ventured Mr. Fabian.

“No, because ‘there is safety in numbers,’ you know,” said Lady Osgood. “And Jimmy falls out of love quite as safely as he falls in.”

Mrs. Alexander listened intently whenever anyone spoke of the heir, and she made up her mind that that son must fall in love with Dodo if she had to take him by the neck and shake him into it. And once he was in love, she would see that Dodo accepted him and gave him no excuse to fall out again.

“What do you think of this touring plan, Angie?” asked Nancy Fabian of her friend Angela.

“Why I like it, Nan; don’t you think it will be heaps of fun? Much nicer than doing as we first planned, you know. With a large party of young folks there is always more sport.”

“Yes, I agree with you.” Then Nancy turned to her father: “Have we arranged about the expenses of the trip? Of course the guests will want to entertain the owners of the two cars.”

“Oh decidedly!” agreed Mr. Fabian.

“Indeed not!” objected Mrs. Alexander. “What do you think of me, with all my money, letting others pay any of the bills?”

This shocked her hearers and she actually realized that she had committed a social error that time. So she hoped for some opening by which she could mend matters. Sir James gave it to her.

“It would seem better, if financial arrangements were left to the men, to settle. Ladies are seldom experienced enough to assume such responsibilities. So, if all agree, the cost and payment of bills will be attended to by the four gentlemen.”

That smoothed matters out agreeably for the time being, and the subject of the itinerary was taken up and discussed. Dinner passed with no other breach of etiquette by the Alexanders, and they all went to the drawing-room to complete the plans for the trip.

Dodo and her father were unusually quiet that evening, but Mrs. Alexander seemed the more pleased at it. In fact, she did so much talking about the car and how they all loved to drive it, that Dodo finally silenced her with a strange remark.

“Ma, suppose you wait until you find whether your car can be driven this summer. It may have disappeared from the garage in London, where you say it is waiting.”