Chapter 2. Does he like me?

There is one and the same question in all letters about love: «Do you think I have a chance or not?» Whether a man wants to have a romantic relationship with me or not is always obvious because he gives me signs. It could be that he can freely joke about sex around me, or he gives me compliments, or maybe he can appropriately touch me (touch my hand or give me a hug). For years women have been trying to guess whether men like them or not. Why wouldn’t he approach me? Is he being shy? Everything this bashful man does we are inclined to explain in our favor. Most likely, he is indeed attracted to you, but he is attracted a lot more to another woman. The main indicator of a woman’s «quality» is whether men kiss her when they see her, or at least hug her. In other words, if they want to touch her. Ladies, you can be touched in different ways. Be happy, if he touches your head. Not because of pity, but because he is showing affection. A woman should cause admiration in a man.

Question 2. A man is torn between me and his ex

This man likes me, but he hasn’t broken up with his former woman. We used to just be friends, but we’ve had sex recently. Now I think he is avoiding me.

Answer. You could get involved in a long and unpleasant story. When a MAN is not completely done with his previous relationship, nothing good usually happens in his new relationship. I think this is what you need to do: don’t let yourself fall in love with him until he is attracted to you and only you. To fall in love means to think of him a lot. Not to fall in love means not to think. Find a phrase for yourself that will help you shut out all the thoughts about HIM (at the same time you still can communicate with him and not only as friends). This game is actually interesting for him. He has been thinking of you for a while, and now sex is also possible.

Don’t think of him, don’t try to figure him out, don’t anticipate conversations and kisses. Do you remember what it is like to be on a diet? As long as you do not anticipate, you can remain patient. As soon as you imagine the taste of food, you immediately lose control. So your phrase should sound approximately like this: «No! You can’t do it! It will lead to you being unhappy.»Or something like this: «I won’t let him make a fool out of me!» Your thoughts are endless now. Day and night you are trying to guess, what exactly your MAN thinks, wants and what he will say when he calls you. You should know that all these endless thoughts suck all the energy out of you. Very soon you will become an exhausted and depressed woman. It means that you will stop attracting men. Why would you want this? Let your MAN figure you out!

If you remain happy and uninterested, you will surprise him a lot. He is expecting that you will fall in love with him and try to talk to sort things out. And he is afraid of it. He only wants to have fun sex and simple conversations. Say to yourself that he just wanted to have sex with you, a pretty woman, and stop bothering your head with this. What to do now? Just live your life. If he calls, you will talk (you should be the first one to say good-bye). If he asks you out, you will meet (you should be the first one to leave). Let him have sleepless nights! It is like cutting your head off to get rid of all the thoughts, at least for a month. One of the most unpleasant things for a man who is still in love with a woman he broke up with is to wake up next to somebody else. He has a good time in the evening, and at night, but then in the morning he wants to put his pants on and run away as quickly as possible. What is ridiculous is that this other woman might end up being much better than the first one. She also might love him much more, especially if the first one didn’t love him that much to begin with. The only problem is that they picked the wrong time.

A man can’t love two women simultaneously. It is cruel first of all in relation to himself. Nature has made room only for one woman in a man’s heart. If this room is already occupied, there is nothing for another woman in his heart. If you want to have a serious relationship with a MAN, wait until he frees himself from his previous relationship. It will take several months. You don’t need to avoid a MAN, but flirting is inappropriate. And if a MAN decides to have a fling, be patient and remember that it is not serious for him. He doesn’t know it yet, but you already do. In love, just like in a boxing ring the winner is the one with the strongest nerves.

Question 3. Does he like me? How would I understand that?

I love «an aging» man who is not married. The difference in age is 15 years. I think that he likes me, but he doesn’t do anything to expose his feelings. Now I understand that he is ashamed of his age. I am all tired out.

Answer. You are writing that he doesn’t express his feelings. As a matter of fact, if a man is interested in you, he looks at you more often and for longer periods of time. However, if your man is smart, he can control himself. Then he deliberately won’t look at you. Or he will take a rapid glance. Here is one more sign: if a man likes a woman, he will try to be close to her, for example, sit near her. He will find any excuse to do so. In my opinion the most accurate sign though is his joy when he sees you. Any woman can sense this joy, but she often mistakes it for friendliness.

Question 4. He has disappeared. What am I to do?

«I met John last summer. During that fall he wrote five love letters to me. And then nothing since the beginning of winter. I am going crazy. It is February now. Maybe he has the flu. I am going to visit him because he will die without me. Kate.»

Answer. Certainly, Kate, go visit him! Smart people learn from their own mistakes. Wise people learn from other people’s mistakes. Fools think that they live without mistakes. When I was young and innocent, at the age of 17 I fell in love with your typical «John». I fell in love with his guitar when he played the Beatles, his long hair, jeans and red socks. It was supposed to be our third date and he never came. His friend told me that John had the flu. And I ran to him. I felt that my actions were not smart, but I didn’t have time to think about it. He is sick! He is unwell! With the remaining part of my brain I decided that I would only ring the door bell, give him a bouquet of some flowers and leave. I thought that it wouldn’t be obtrusive but quite the opposite. It ended up being obtrusive.

Pale and weak John opened the door. He didn’t really care about my flowers, but invited me to come in. The remaining part of my brain simply disappeared and I did come in. Some other guy was visiting John. The three of us didn’t have anything to talk about. So we were sitting silently. The other guy was waiting for me to leave, and I was waiting for him to leave. It lasted for an hour. I became the girl who was not fun (but in reality I am a lot of fun). I realized this and finally left. Apparently John remembered me as a boring girl, because he never asked me out again.

Question 5. He writes to me, but he doesn’t offer to meet

I am 54 and I want to get married (this would be my second marriage). So I am trying to find somebody online. Last May a met a French man online. We still talk a lot on Skype and write to each other. I feel something electric toward him. Moreover, I have never heard love confessions like his. He often writes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that he is ready to talk to me on Skype every evening. I told him that if he wasn’t ready to come visit me, then our relationship wouldn’t have any future. He promised to solve this within two months.

Two months later I started the conversation again. He immediately became agitated. He said that he would be able to take time off only in February and booked tickets to come. On the one hand, I am afraid that closer to February something will happen and he won’t come. So I have been waiting in vain. On the other hand, he means a lot to me. I would like to continue our relationship. I am afraid to issue an ultimatum – either you come, or we will break up. Our communication is virtual. As of right now, nobody is obliged to do anything. What would you advise in this situation?

Answer. I recommend to stop thinking about this man. Don’t make up this love story with a man whom you’ve never seen before and whose behavior is a little strange. Calm down and start dating. You don’t have any strength to start a new relationship because of all your thoughts are about this French man and possible marriage. Is he as faithful as you are? Think of him as one of many pleasant men. If he comes, it will be nice. But let him initiate this visit without any promises from your side.

Question 6. How to attract his attention?

There is this guy in the night club I often go to. I like this guy a lot. He works there. He is a dancer. We have many common friends. That is how we met. I can’t watch him impassively when he is on stage. Sometimes we dance together, but only when I invite him. I confessed to him that I liked him a lot. After that he hardly notices me, but we still communicate. By the way, I know that he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I need your advice. What should I do?

Answer. Oh, you got in a stupid situation that has only one way out. I am going to tell you what this way out, but you are not going to listen to me, are you? You are going to continue to follow this guy until he sleeps with you one day. And then he is going to do everything not to see you. Before it happens, I advise to stop going places where he hangs out. If he notices your absence, he will find you through your friends. If he doesn’t find you, stop by his work in three months, not earlier. During these three months read some books and learn to talk to men in a different way, like a queen.

It is likely that he will fall for you – the queen! If he doesn’t show any interest in you even then, stop going there at all. Of course, you are not going to listen to me. What I am suggesting is very difficult to do. However, maybe other girls will read this and use my advice. Maybe this letter from Kristen, who changed her attitude toward men, will help you: «Now I don’t call him first, unless he asks me to call him. When I offer to do something and he refuses, I don’t get upset like I used to. I try not to place much emphasis on it. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. It is his right. I try not to fight and not to get jealous. And what now? Now he calls me many times a day. He tries to talk for a long time. And I make our conversations shorter. I was the one who asked for kisses, now he does. So I do the opposite from what I used to do. I don’t express any initiative. I feel that he needs me. He doesn’t talk about love much. He says that his actions show his love (he pays for me, he always walks me home, he calls first, he goes to different events with me). I don’t talk about love first. I also show it with my actions. I cook for him and I take care of him. Just like he takes care of me.»