Mme Ogudalov. So what about it?

Ilya. He’s not fit for the chorus, no good at all.

Mme Ogudalov. He’s not well?

Ilya. His health is all right, nothing wrong there.

Mme Ogudalov. Then what’s the matter with him?

Ilya. He’s bent over on one side, at an angle. He walks like that, bent over at a right angle, and he’ll be like that for another week, it’s awful! Every man is worth a lot in a chorus, but what can you do without a tenor! He went to the doctor, and the doctor says, “After a week or two it’ll go away, you’ll be straight again.” But we need him now.

Larisa. But I want you to sing!

Ilya. Right away, miss. The guitar’s out of tune. It’s awful, just awful! In a chorus you’ve got to stand up straight, and there he is bent over.

Mme Ogudalov. How did he get that way?

Ilya. From stupidity.

Mme Ogudalov. What kind of stupidity?

Ilya. That kind of stupidity our people have. I said, “Watch out, Anton, be careful now!” But he didn’t understand.

Mme Ogudalov. And we don’t understand either.

Ilya. Well, I hate to tell you, but he went on a spree, and what a spree, what a spree! I said, “Anton, watch out, careful now!” But he didn’t understand. Oh it’s awful, awful! Right now a man’s worth a hundred rubles, that’s the business at hand, the kind of gentleman we’re expecting, and there’s Anton bent over crooked. He was a real straight-up gypsy, but now he’s twisted! (He starts to sing in a bass voice.) “O tempt me not…”

Voice through the window: “Ilya, Ilya, come here! Come quick!"

Why? What do you want?

Voice from the street: “Come, the gentleman is here!"

You’re joking!

Voice from the street: “He's really come!"

I don’t have any more time, miss, the gentleman’s come. (He puts down the guitar and takes his peak cap.)

Mme Ogudalov. What gentleman?

Ilya. The one we’ve been waiting for a whole year, that one! (Hegoes off.)

Mme Ogudalov. Who do you suppose could have come? He must be rich and probably a bachelor, Larisa, since the gypsies are so glad to see him. You can see he spends time with the gypsies. Oh Larisa, have we missed out on a suitor? Why did we have to hurry so?

Larisa. Oh Mama, haven’t I suffered enough? No, I’ve been humiliated enough.

Mme Ogudalov. You used that horrible word “humiliated”! Did you mean to frighten me, perhaps? We’re poor folk, and that means being humiliated all our life. So it’s better to be humiliated when you’re young if you can later live like a human being.

Larisa. No, I can’t, it’s more than I can bear.

Mme Ogudalov. But you can’t get anything easily, and you’d stay nobody all your life.

Larisa. To pretend again, lie again!

Mme Ogudalov. So pretend then, and lie too! Happiness won’t come running after you if you run away from it. (Karandyshov enters.) Yuly Kapitonych, our Larisa’s all set to go to the country, here she’s gotten herself a basket for mushrooms.

Larisa. Yes, please, for my sake, let’s go right away!

Karandyshov. I don’t understand you. Why are you in such a hurry to get there?

Larisa. I want so much to get away from here.

Karandyshov (in an outburst). Who is it you want to get away from? Who’s persecuting you? Or could you be ashamed of me?

Larisa (coldly). No, I’m not ashamed of you, I don’t know how it’s going to be in the future, but so far you haven’t given me any cause for that.

Karandyshov. Then why run away, why hide from people? Give me some time to get settled, to pull myself together, to come to my senses. I’m glad, I’m happy. So give me a chance to feel the pleasure of my position.

Mme Ogudalov. To show off.

Karandyshov. Yes, to show off, I won’t hide it. My self-respect has suffered many, many wounds, and my pride has been offended more than once. Now I rightly want to be proud and strut some.

Larisa. Then when are you thinking of going to the country?

Karandyshov. After the wedding, whenever you want, even the very next day. Only we absolutely must get married here, so nobody can say we’re hiding out because I’m not a good match for you but just the straw a drowning man grabs for.

Larisa. But you know, Yuly Kapitonych, that last part’s almost the way it is, it’s true.

Karandyshov (angrily). Then keep that truth to yourself! (In tears.) Have a little pity on me! At least let the others think you love, that you made a free choice.

Larisa. But why do that?

Karandyshov. What do you mean, “why”? Don’t you make any allowance for self-respect in a man?

Larisa. Self-respect! All you think about is yourself! Everybody loves himself! When is anybody ever going to love me? You’re going to lead me to ruin.

Mme Ogudalov. That’s enough, Larisa, what’s gotten into you?

Larisa. Mama, I’m afraid, I’m afraid of something. Now listen. If the wedding’s going to be here, then please, as few people as possible, as quiet and simple as possible.

Mme Ogudalov. No, don’t you get any crazy ideas! A wedding’s a wedding, and I’m an Ogudalov and won’t allow any skimping. You’ll shine as nobody here has ever shone.

Karandyshov. And I won’t begrudge a thing.

Larisa. All right, I’ll be quiet. I can see that for you I’m a doll. You’ll play with me, break me and throw me away.

Karandyshov. That dinner tonight is going to cost me plenty.

Mme Ogudalov. And I consider that dinner of yours absolutely unnecessary, an unjustified expense.

Karandyshov. But even if it should cost me twice as much, or three times as much, I wouldn’t begrudge the money.

Mme Ogudalov. It’s something nobody needs.

Karandyshov. I need it.

Larisa. But what for, Yuly Kapitonych?

Karandyshov. Larisa Dmitriyevna, for three years I’ve been suffering humiliation, for three years I’ve had to put up with mockery from your friends right to my face. I’ve got to have my turn to laugh at them.

Mme Ogudalov. What will you think up next! Do you want to get up some quarrel, is that it? In that case Larisa and I won’t go.

Larisa. Oh, please, don’t offend anybody!

Karandyshov. Don’t offend! Though they can offend me? But don’t worry, there won’t be any quarrel, it’ll all be very peaceful. I’ll propose a toast to you and thank you publicly for the happiness you are giving me by your choice, for the fact that you haven’t treated me the way the others have, that you have valued me and trusted in the sincerity of my feelings. That’s all, that’s my whole revenge!

Mme Ogudalov. And all that’s completely unnecessary.

Karandyshov. No, those great dandies harassed me with their bragging. But they didn’t accumulate their wealth on their own, so why should they brag about it? They throw away fifteen rubles on one order of tea!

Mme Ogudalov. Now you’re taking it out on poor Vasya.

Karandyshov. Not just Vasya, they’re all good at that. Just see what’s going on in town, the joy on people’s faces. The cab drivers are all in a gay mood, they drive around the streets shouting to each other, “The gentleman’s come, the gentleman’s come.” The waiters in the inns are beaming too, they run out to the street and shout from inn to inn, “The gentleman’s come, the gentleman’s come.” The gypsies have gone crazy, they’re suddenly all making a big fuss and waving their hands. At the hotel it’s like a congress, a big crowd of people. A little while ago four gypsies, all decked out, drove up in a carriage to congratulate him on his arrival. What a scene! But what I’ve heard is that that gentleman has run through all his money and sold his last boat. So who’s come then? A man who’s spent all his money having a good time, a degenerate, and the whole town’s glad to see him. Fine morals!

Mme Ogudalov. But who is it that’s come?

Karandyshov. Your Sergey Sergeyich Paratov.

Larisa stands up in fright.

Mme Ogudalov. So that’s who it is!

Larisa. Let’s go to the country, let’s go right now!

Karandyshov. Now is just the time we shouldn’t go.

Mme Ogudalov. What’s the matter, Larisa, why hide from him! He’s not a highway robber!

Larisa. Why don’t you listen to me! You’re destroying me, pushing me into an abyss.

Mme Ogudalov. You’re insane.

Karandyshov. What are you afraid of?

Larisa. I’m not afraid for myself.

Karandyshov. For whom then?

Larisa. For you.

Karandyshov. Oh, don’t be afraid for me! I won’t let myself be put upon. Just let him try picking a quarrel with me, then he’ll see.

Mme Ogudalov. No, don’t talk like that! God help us! This isn’t Vasya. You be careful with him if you value your happiness.

Karandyshov (by the window). There, if you care to look, he’s come to visit you. Four pacers abreast and a gypsy on the box with the coachman. He’s really showing off. Of course, it doesn’t do anybody any harm to let him have his fun, but in reality it’s disgusting and stupid.

Larisa (to Karandyshov). Let’s go, let’s go to my room. Mama, you receive him here. Please, talk him out of any visits!

Larisa and Karandyshovgo out. Paratov enters.

Paratov (during this entire scene with Mme Ogudalov he adopts a half-joking, half-serious tone). Aunty, your dear hand!

Mme Ogudalov (holding out her hand). Oh, Sergey Sergeyich! Oh, my dear boy!

Paratov. You desire to embrace me? Permitted! (They embrace and kiss.)

Mme Ogudalov. What wind brought you here? Passing through, perhaps?

Paratov. I came here on purpose, and my first visit is to you, Aunty.

Mme Ogudalov. Thank you. How are you, how are things going with you?

Paratov. It would be a sin to complain, Aunty. I’m enjoying life though my business affairs aren’t too good.

Mme Ogudalov (after looking at Paratov awhile). Sergey Sergeyich, tell me, dear boy, why did you disappear so suddenly that time?

Paratov. I received an unpleasant telegram, Aunty.

Mme Ogudalov. What kind of telegram?

Paratov. While I was away my managers reduced my household to a shell. Because of their operations my ships were about to be auctioned off along with all my property and belongings. So I flew off to save my possessions.

Mme Ogudalov. So you saved everything and arranged everything.

Paratov. Not really. I arranged things but not completely; there was quite a loss. But I haven’t lost heart, Aunty, and I haven’t lost my fun-loving disposition.

Mme Ogudalov. I can see you haven’t lost it.

Paratov. We lose in one thing and gain in something else, Aunty; that’s how it is with men like us.

Mme Ogudalov. What do you want to gain in? Have you started some new business operations?

Paratov. It’s not for lightheaded gentlemen like us to go starting new business operations! That’s how people get into debtors’ prison, Aunty, I want to sell my precious freedom.

Mme Ogudalov. I understand. You want to marry for money. How high do you value your precious freedom?

Paratov. At half a million.

Mme Ogudalov. That’s a lot of money.

Paratov. I can’t do it any cheaper, Aunty. If you don’t figure it out right, you’re in trouble, you know that yourself.

Mme Ogudalov. That’s my kind of man!

Paratov. Right.

Mme Ogudalov. What a falcon! It’s a joy to look at you.

Paratov. It’s very flattering to hear that from you. Please allow me to kiss your dear hand. (He kisses her hand.)

Mme Ogudalov. But what about the buyers? That is, you have some buyers, don’t you?

Paratov. If one looks for them, they’ll be found.

Mme Ogudalov. Pardon me for an indiscreet question!

Paratov. If it’s very indiscreet, then don’t ask me. I’m bashful.